RUMAH CINTA

Daisypath Anniversary tickers

~ DISCLAIMER ~

Please do note that this is a personal web-log. Views expressed here are of my personal views. Usage of any personal photos & posts are prohibited and are not allow to copy , paste , show & publish any photos & posts taken from this web-log anywhere without my consent & permission. If so I have the rights to render the person , group & in short anyone posting / publishing / showing / pasting / copying them liable to legal action or prosecution. Thank you.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Busy With The Studio

Minggu ni memang busy. I was out of the house from morning and came home around 9pm. Nak update blog pun tak sempat. MP pun..........hmmmm......entahlah. Dia tahu I keluar rumah ada urusan studio tapi bila balik kena bebel sebab balik lambat. I pun tak faham.

In the morning I tinggalkan Adriel kat rumah my parents then bawak Yna with me ke studio or mana-mana yang I nak pergi dengan Kak Siti. Tak nak lah bebankan my parents dengan 2 orang anak I for them to take care. On the way nak balik rumah , kena stop beli dinner or else kat rumah I kena prepare dinner. Ni belum bukak sekolah lagi........entah laa macam mana nak juggle things nanti with Adriel & Yna. Ni pun MP dah bising kata I tinggalkan dia , makan minum dia I tak fikirkan......Katanya lagi I biarkan anak-anak macam tu je........wohoooooooo........I seriously do not understand what was my partner from Mars was talking about! How the freakin' hell am I gonna prepare lunch or dinner for him & take care of my kids when am out doing my work? Rasanya dah terasa how it's gonna be bila I dah mula busy dengan my vocal studio.

He will come home and not see me at my PC station anymore. The kids will not be home.......hmmmm.......BUT he gave me the permission to do business with Siti and now he's making me feel guilty for being out of the house. Peeps.....am not turning back. I want to do this. I want my own financial freedom. I have to do this. Am approaching 40 so I have to start thinking of my future. If anything should happen to MP , I dengan anak-anak nak makan apa? Sekurang-kurang nya with the business that I have , I anak beranak boleh survive. Bukan laa MP tak de duit to leave behind but........dengan pe'el family dia yang money minded tu,,,,,,,anything can happen. Better be safe than sorry later. Hidup mati ni kita tak boleh cakap.....Tuhan boleh ambil kita & orang yang kita sayang & orang yang kita bergantung hidup , anytime.

If tindakan I bukak business ni will jeopardize my marriage *which I don't see why it would if we both give & take* , I accept lah. MP should support me not burden my emotions with guilt & added responsibilities. Suami Kak Siti pun ada kerja sendiri & Kak Siti berkerja dalam line ni dah bertahun....OK je. Why? Coz they give and take. Semalam MP sound I sebab tinggalkan Adriel dengan my mom,,,,,,katanya I tak tengok makan minum Adriel & etc........I jawab balik kali ni......I cakap , "kenapa you tak pergi tengok Adriel kat rumah my mom.....sebelum balik rumah from work,,,,,kan ke you boleh singgah tengok Adriel kejap........why must all be me?" Owh! Well......MP is not like suami you all semua......in any circumstances.......ego dia mesti menang. To him,,,,,,,,I yang nak sangat buat ni semua.....so I have to aturkan whatever it is lah. Kalau dia tak kasi I venture dengan Siti , nampak sangat laa yang dia memang stop I dari buat apa-apa pun,,,,,,memang orang akan kata he's a King Control laa kan......and I don't think he wanna be labeled as that especially when he knows that I bukan-nya nak cari popularity or go back to my glamour world & what nots. Even nama studio pun I tak letak my name but nama Kak Siti sorang je. I wanna do business & make some cash not share the limelight. Seriously , I tak faham.......why can't MP be part of what I do? Sama-sama jaga anak-anak? Jatuh ke darjat suami kalau kena jaga anak-anak kat rumah? Entahlah.........Mugkin laa kot.......entah , seriously,,,,,I can't process it in my mind. My dad stayed at home & took care of us while my mom went out to teach. My parents has no problem with it. They're together till now.

Tengok laa bila Yna mula naik sekolah nanti. Dia tahu kat studio sekarang only I dengan Kak Siti saja yang kelolakan studio. Kitaorang belum mampu nak hire pekerja lagi........mana I nak kena ambil Yna , makan Yna.....Adriel lagi.....I don't know lah......my parents tahu masalah I dengan character MP yang very egoistic ni. They're a big help to me. My parents sangat-sangat merestui dengan keputsan I nak bukak bisness dengan Kak Siti. They're very excited about it. My brother pun happy to help me out with the paint job kat studio nanti. Tapi MP wasn't happy to see everyone chipping in. Don't know what's his problem. Every time I bukak cerita about my day at the studio.......he'll listen half way & cantas. He'll gave me remarks yang boleh terus bunuh semangat I. I'm talking about running a small business & he'll gave me comparison of running a big corporate business. Ada je benda yang I buat dengan Siti tak betul. To him , we should have done like this....we should have done like that....Naik malas I nak cerita apa-apa dengan dia about the studio. His reactions is not helping me to advance or progress , it's only pushing me backwards. Why did he grant me permission & help finance my new business in the first place only to step me on my head with emotional abuses when I've started half way? What's in his mind? Help me God.

How I wish MP is really whom I can call a partner, a partner that'll support me. MP bagi consent for me to do business with Siti because he knows that I'll be in good company. Takkan ada hanky panky laaa. The financial prospect is good. He trusted Siti but at the same time I think he felt insecure.........he's aware of the late working hours & etc........Hmmmmmmm.......tengok je lah nanti. Apa-apa will update kat sini. Mana lagi I nak curhat kalau tak kat diari maya I ni........

Once I've given up my carrier for this marriage.........I have no regrets in doing so coz in returned I am blessed with 2 beautiful child through this marriage. To my understandings , I am put to stay in this marriage *by Him* in order for me to get Adrenna & Adriel. Meaning , I have to go through 9 years of marriage life to MP to get 2 kids. OK,,,,, I can process that. As a woman , I'm complete.

I've set my mind this time,,,,,,,,I have to love myself first then only I can love others. I tak nak susah in future. My kids tak reti hidup susah.......kalau MP pejam mata dulu.......itu yang fikirkan lately. Or if anything should happen to my marriage in future , I tak nak anak-anak I rasa susah walaupun sekejap. Kalau pergi court pun , I ada kerja & mampu tanggung anak-anak. No lawyers can manipulate the fact that am jobless or anything. Peeps , no matter how smooth , how safe , how perfect we think our marriage is.......the storm can come at any time. Am just preparing myself for a shelter if in case the storm comes. You can never know. Today my marriage is fine. Tomorrow? I honestly don't know.

I do not wanna take for granted thinking that bad things will not happen to my marriage. The marriage storm just hit a close friend & a close family member of mine right in front of my very eyes. They were 2 happy women & didn't see the storm coming towards them and now they're reckless , helpless & miserable. I do not wanna be like them. Why? Because they've been too depended financially on dear hubby all their lives. That's why I need the financial security. Yes , MP gave me enough monthly but I want my own money. Ni bukan soal tamak or nak bebas or anything of such.......I have to do this for myself. Like my dad always said,,,,,,,biar orang lain mati , jangan kita yang mati. Apa-apa jadi , suami boleh cari ganti.......ada jodoh , boleh kahwin lain tapi anak-anak?,,,,,,,I tak boleh cari ganti anak-anak I dengan apa-apa dalam dunia ni sekali pun. I love them very much.



Last Monday , I pergi register company dengan Kak Siti. We didn't know what to do at first but we managed to get through the whole process together. Alhamdulillah. Sebelum pergi register company , we had breakfast kat McDonald's The Mall..........we were figuring out names of company & etc.......and finally got 3 names shortlisted. Our first choice of name was being approved by SSM , it's VocalWealth Networks......hehehe!


Then we went to print out the student's attendance card........Lime Green.......



The next day,,,,,,,,sibuk bersihkan studio......nak kena buat paint work sikit. My brother will do the paint work with his friends next week.


Studio masih kosong lagi. Hari Xmas nanti baru nak angkat barang dari studio lama Kak Siti. Nak bawak piano & rak buku & etc......While we mothers were doing our work..........our kids , Yna & Afif *anak bongsu Kak Siti* dok menari tango laaa.....they were playing together. Afif ni banyak berlakon filem, drama & iklan. Kalau you all pernah tengok movie & teater Puteri Gunung Ledang,,,,,,si Afif ni laa yang jadi anak Sultan Melaka. He acted in the film Sumo as well......


A note for me : .........with all this,,,,,,,am open to any possibilities. May big A be with me,,,,,,always. I love you.

2 comments:

  1. Dear Kak Rima,

    I hope u'll never give up to do what u love to do.I know u seorang yang tabah n kuat semangat.Anggap ini semua cabaran & motivasi untuk u berjaya.Always look at positive side OK.My prayers are always with u.Believe in yourself!

    Regards, Misz Faz

    ReplyDelete
  2. Misz Faz........TQ for the prayers sis. TQ so so much. Kiss kiss :-)

    ReplyDelete