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Thursday, December 31, 2009

Bye Bye 2009 , Hi Hi 2010....

My body is head is eyes is so sleepy.........sehari dua ni bila letak kepala atas bantal or bila sujud , tiba-tiba gelap kejap......rasa macam nak pitam. Alamak!!!! Baru nak start kerja dah tak tentu hala kepala & badan I. Memang this week I balik lambat. Pukul 10 pagi keluar rumah , pukul 10 / 11 malam baru sampai rumah. Dah lama I tak buat kerja macam ni. Dulu - dulu masa masih menyanyi & berlakon , working hours lagi teruk dari ni pun tak de hal. After 'relaxing' myself for almost 10 years from working hours yang kalut macam ni,,,,,,,hohoho......terasa sungguh seksanya. Worst , sekarang ada tanggungjawab lain yang perlu I look into simultaneously.......mana nak pikir anak-anak , nak pikir MP , nak pikir studio.......hmmmmmm..........ada ketika terasa macam , "eh.....tak nak lah bukak-bukak studio ni....." "........dah tak boleh lepak-lepak macam selalu lagi....." Hmmmmmmm.........why am I doing this again? Owh! Yes......for my own future security. OK.......let's do it.

3 years......I give myself 3 years maximum to expand the vocal studio business with Kak Siti then I don't want to go to the studio anymore but only when needed. Just like what business partners Linda Jasmine & Vince Chong is doing. By then I hope that me & Kak Siti will really have a good team of vocal instructors & studio crew to take things over at the studio. Insya'allah.

My 2009

Colourful. Very colourful.

Best of all , I found love. I am in love. I feel the love. You'll know what am talking about one fine day I hope , Insya'allah *wink* .......this love I found keeps me sane when by right I should be heading to the mental institution in the country. This love keeps me going when by right I should be gloomy & holding myself back. This love also keeps me alive when by right I should be emotionally dead already. I truly thank Him for making me fall in love with this new love of mine. Only Him.....only me knew how great this love is. Many times He had shown me His blessings & approvals , I wish I can tell him. One day........Insya'allah.

I pray that He'll let me have this love forever........sampai syurga. Amin.

Hello 2010.....

Another year........

Another chapter.........

Another set of stories........

Another set of sorrows.......

Another set of giggles.......

Ahhhhhh............whatever.........bring it on twenty ten!

Am ready for you like I've been ready when 1431 came.......ever ready......

To everyone , the new Gregorian year 2010 is here. Let's make the best out of it. If mishaps should come your way this year.......turn to Him. Surrender to Him. Let Him take care of you. I love you all. Kiss kiss.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Dumb Cooking : From The Freezer - To The Stove - To The Stomach!

Been so tight up lately.........many things happened. Things that gave me loads of unnecessary emotional turmoil. I hate it especially when it comes from some one close to you. A little understanding would be great,,,,,,,but no.........that's not what I got. Life goes on and now the show must go on.........most love for Him & him must go on. Loving him from a distance each day makes me holding on.......

Wokeyyyy...........since I'm on the move this week.......I really have to speed things up in the kitchen. I don't like to waste food so if you still remember Yna's birthday last month.......surely you'll remember the KFC that I still have left in my freezer. Owh! Yeahhh.....they're still freezin' in there untill I decided to cook them all today....hehehe!

Took them out of the freezer , heat them up on high in the microwave for 10 minutes........then mix them up with some turmeric powder & re-fry 'em.

In the wok I added a packet of my favourite stir fry sambal paste + half box of santan + tomato sauce + crushed cherry tomatoes + a bit of water..........heat on. Mix well & let it bubble away........
add salt & sugar to taste......

Add a can of peas + fried chicken & onions..........

My express version of Ayam Masak Merah.....hehehe!

Ahhhhhhh.......I kept this leftover of lemak ikan masin with pineapple for quite some time in the freezer. Today I reheated it up again.

In goes the 'lemak disc' in the pot....hehehe! Add some water & biar sampai mendidih.....add salt & sugar to taste...... goes some daun kesum , in my case daun kesum kering coz dah lama sangat dalam icebox.....I added some lady's fingers & tomatoes & lastly half box of santan.

Don't have to wait long.........there you go.....still eatable Lemak Ikan Masin with Nenas & *now* with Bendi & Tomato...hehehe! I'm done cooking within an hour. Selamat.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Dah Selamat Angkat Barang Masuk Studio

On Xmas day , me & Kak Siti decided to move things from Kak Siti's old studio to our new studio. It's a family affair family & Kak Siti's family was there to help things out.

Everything went smoothly........

Ooow yeeah.....MP was there too......spooky spooky huh?! Hahaha.........No lah , he was OK that day , giving us some ideas and all.......

Ahhhhh.........piano dah ada! 2 sekali! , best........Yna wanted me to play her favourite tune , MJ's "You Are Not Alone". Played and sang the song for her. Alhamdulillah , satu bab dah selamat.

We later had a makan-makan session. There's a cafe at G floor. I had Teh Terapung & some roti bakar......nyaman gilak bah....! Lama tak makan roti bakar cicah dengan teh........Petang ni MP belanja. Yay! Thanx for the treat , partner.

Friday, December 25, 2009

I Managed To Squeeze My Time For A Movie With The Kids!

It was a hectic week for me but on Xmas Eve I managed to cilok some time for a movie. I was out to watch Alvin & The Chipmunks 2 with Kak Aida and 10 kids! Kak Farra , her daughter Adibah & maid joined us as well. The movie was very entertaining.........the songs were great & the harmony sung & remastered by the 'chipmunk machine' was pretty cool. I met Kak Siti earlier and took her son Afif with me to KLCC. Today the parking at KLCC was macam siol! Crazy pig full........Kak Aida dah book ticket dari semalam lagi through her contact , so nasib baik laa tak payah nak beratur panjang to buy the tickets. 1 row from one end to the other was ours!

Sweet little Tasha with our movie tickets , minus 4 tickets for Kak Farra & family.

Ni kerja Kak Aida.......masa tengok trailer dia snap sana....snap sini.....Hmmmm......banyak lagi movie nak kena bawak si Yna tengok.....Avatar belum year ada Alice In Wonderland , Old Dogs , Tooth Fairy......HoHoHo! Bapak dia tak tahu dah ada movie list for next year dah......

Iqbal *in green* with his friends......I cuba ambil photo Kak Aida dari my seat.........golap.

We ate at Chili's after the movie......hmmm.....kena laa membatak tunggu sebab tempat ni tak boleh buat reservation. Tu yang paling-paling palat sekali about Chili's.

All the kids except for Yna & Afif came with Kak Aida..........imagine......betapa riuhnya van Kak Aida.....hehehe!

I mms-kan photo ni kat Kak Siti......yang ketika itu sudah berehat di rumah.....huhuhu! I later sent Afif home & lepak kejap kat rumah Kak Siti......borak-borak dengan hubby dia , Abang Halim........lama tak jumpa. We left Kak Siti's house together.......I nak kena ambil Adik Mok kat rumah my parents. Kak Siti pulak nak pergi jumpa adik dia , Bard kat studio. Bard nak tolong consult on ID matter sikit. Semalam I dah bawak my brother Ramos pergi tengok studio.......Ramos volunteered to do the paint job with his friends for free.....TQ TQ TQ......kata Ramos , kawan dia nak buatkan few big stickers for the studio as well........Alhamdulillah.

Hari ni I pergi tengok movie ni,,,,,,,I tak kasi tahu MP. I told him that Yna & Afif ikut Tante Aida diaorang pergi tengok wayang *tu pun MP dah marah I sebab lepaskan Yna ikut Aida sedangkan Yna should be with me* Kalau MP tahu yang I mengular sekejap with the kids instead of being at the studio or out doing my work with Siti.........sure kena khutbah panjang oooooo........syyyyyyyhhh.......don't tell him aaaa.........*please please please , kamu jangan nakal.....* hahaha!

Arrrrggggghhhhh..........I had BBQ Ribs earlier and now.........the moment of truth! Chili's Molten Chocolate is to die for. Seriously. We ordered 3 cakes! Memang sedap nak mampus! Kalau tak kerana benda alah ni.........Chili's will be out of my list sebab kekwat sangat on the RSVP matter. Tak boleh buat reservations konon,,,,,,nak mati pun boleh booking lot tanah kubur.......


The girls @ Chili's.........

A note for me : Hari ni sampai rumah pun dah gelap , you tahu laah what to expect from MP , kan.......imagine kalau I cakap yang I pergi tengok movie kejap , lepak-lepak & makan-makan kat rumah Siti don't wanna go there peeps......I , don't wanna go there.........lariiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!

Hidung Adriel Berdarah

I dah nak balik dari rumah my parents when Adriel accidentally fell down and hit his nose kat bucu kerusi kayu kat rumah my parents! Alamak.......Just my luck.....Mesti MP mengarok kat I laa ni. My brother & parents pun dah siap cakap that I'll sure kena bambu dengan MP. Hmmmm.......true enough. On the way home *in the car* I called MP telling him about what had happened to baby Adriel..............aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...............tahan telinga je laa. Katanya , kenapa I tak jaga.....malas , malas , malas nak debate. I tanya MP if I should take Adriel to the clinic or not........he said no need. Memang Allah tengah duga I dengan kerenah MP. Lepas letak phone setelah kena marah dengan MP,,,,,,,I ketawa dalam hati......senyum sorang-sorang.....memang kelakar.....rasa macam Tuhan saja je buat semua ni in order to test my faith in Him. Rasa dekat sangat dengan Dia even though He gave something yang boleh membuatkan MP marah kat I.

You know what.....I tak marah sikit pun pada Dia but I told Him jokingly that I know what He's trying to do to me & laugh it off. Betul-betul cobaannnnnnnnn.........I love you dear A *wink*

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Busy With The Studio

Minggu ni memang busy. I was out of the house from morning and came home around 9pm. Nak update blog pun tak sempat. MP pun..........hmmmm......entahlah. Dia tahu I keluar rumah ada urusan studio tapi bila balik kena bebel sebab balik lambat. I pun tak faham.

In the morning I tinggalkan Adriel kat rumah my parents then bawak Yna with me ke studio or mana-mana yang I nak pergi dengan Kak Siti. Tak nak lah bebankan my parents dengan 2 orang anak I for them to take care. On the way nak balik rumah , kena stop beli dinner or else kat rumah I kena prepare dinner. Ni belum bukak sekolah lagi........entah laa macam mana nak juggle things nanti with Adriel & Yna. Ni pun MP dah bising kata I tinggalkan dia , makan minum dia I tak fikirkan......Katanya lagi I biarkan anak-anak macam tu je........wohoooooooo........I seriously do not understand what was my partner from Mars was talking about! How the freakin' hell am I gonna prepare lunch or dinner for him & take care of my kids when am out doing my work? Rasanya dah terasa how it's gonna be bila I dah mula busy dengan my vocal studio.

He will come home and not see me at my PC station anymore. The kids will not be home.......hmmmm.......BUT he gave me the permission to do business with Siti and now he's making me feel guilty for being out of the house. not turning back. I want to do this. I want my own financial freedom. I have to do this. Am approaching 40 so I have to start thinking of my future. If anything should happen to MP , I dengan anak-anak nak makan apa? Sekurang-kurang nya with the business that I have , I anak beranak boleh survive. Bukan laa MP tak de duit to leave behind but........dengan pe'el family dia yang money minded tu,,,,,,,anything can happen. Better be safe than sorry later. Hidup mati ni kita tak boleh cakap.....Tuhan boleh ambil kita & orang yang kita sayang & orang yang kita bergantung hidup , anytime.

If tindakan I bukak business ni will jeopardize my marriage *which I don't see why it would if we both give & take* , I accept lah. MP should support me not burden my emotions with guilt & added responsibilities. Suami Kak Siti pun ada kerja sendiri & Kak Siti berkerja dalam line ni dah bertahun....OK je. Why? Coz they give and take. Semalam MP sound I sebab tinggalkan Adriel dengan my mom,,,,,,katanya I tak tengok makan minum Adriel & etc........I jawab balik kali ni......I cakap , "kenapa you tak pergi tengok Adriel kat rumah my mom.....sebelum balik rumah from work,,,,,kan ke you boleh singgah tengok Adriel kejap........why must all be me?" Owh! Well......MP is not like suami you all any circumstances.......ego dia mesti menang. To him,,,,,,,,I yang nak sangat buat ni I have to aturkan whatever it is lah. Kalau dia tak kasi I venture dengan Siti , nampak sangat laa yang dia memang stop I dari buat apa-apa pun,,,,,,memang orang akan kata he's a King Control laa kan......and I don't think he wanna be labeled as that especially when he knows that I bukan-nya nak cari popularity or go back to my glamour world & what nots. Even nama studio pun I tak letak my name but nama Kak Siti sorang je. I wanna do business & make some cash not share the limelight. Seriously , I tak faham.......why can't MP be part of what I do? Sama-sama jaga anak-anak? Jatuh ke darjat suami kalau kena jaga anak-anak kat rumah? Entahlah.........Mugkin laa kot.......entah , seriously,,,,,I can't process it in my mind. My dad stayed at home & took care of us while my mom went out to teach. My parents has no problem with it. They're together till now.

Tengok laa bila Yna mula naik sekolah nanti. Dia tahu kat studio sekarang only I dengan Kak Siti saja yang kelolakan studio. Kitaorang belum mampu nak hire pekerja lagi........mana I nak kena ambil Yna , makan Yna.....Adriel lagi.....I don't know parents tahu masalah I dengan character MP yang very egoistic ni. They're a big help to me. My parents sangat-sangat merestui dengan keputsan I nak bukak bisness dengan Kak Siti. They're very excited about it. My brother pun happy to help me out with the paint job kat studio nanti. Tapi MP wasn't happy to see everyone chipping in. Don't know what's his problem. Every time I bukak cerita about my day at the studio.......he'll listen half way & cantas. He'll gave me remarks yang boleh terus bunuh semangat I. I'm talking about running a small business & he'll gave me comparison of running a big corporate business. Ada je benda yang I buat dengan Siti tak betul. To him , we should have done like this....we should have done like that....Naik malas I nak cerita apa-apa dengan dia about the studio. His reactions is not helping me to advance or progress , it's only pushing me backwards. Why did he grant me permission & help finance my new business in the first place only to step me on my head with emotional abuses when I've started half way? What's in his mind? Help me God.

How I wish MP is really whom I can call a partner, a partner that'll support me. MP bagi consent for me to do business with Siti because he knows that I'll be in good company. Takkan ada hanky panky laaa. The financial prospect is good. He trusted Siti but at the same time I think he felt insecure.........he's aware of the late working hours & etc........Hmmmmmmm.......tengok je lah nanti. Apa-apa will update kat sini. Mana lagi I nak curhat kalau tak kat diari maya I ni........

Once I've given up my carrier for this marriage.........I have no regrets in doing so coz in returned I am blessed with 2 beautiful child through this marriage. To my understandings , I am put to stay in this marriage *by Him* in order for me to get Adrenna & Adriel. Meaning , I have to go through 9 years of marriage life to MP to get 2 kids. OK,,,,, I can process that. As a woman , I'm complete.

I've set my mind this time,,,,,,,,I have to love myself first then only I can love others. I tak nak susah in future. My kids tak reti hidup susah.......kalau MP pejam mata dulu.......itu yang fikirkan lately. Or if anything should happen to my marriage in future , I tak nak anak-anak I rasa susah walaupun sekejap. Kalau pergi court pun , I ada kerja & mampu tanggung anak-anak. No lawyers can manipulate the fact that am jobless or anything. Peeps , no matter how smooth , how safe , how perfect we think our marriage is.......the storm can come at any time. Am just preparing myself for a shelter if in case the storm comes. You can never know. Today my marriage is fine. Tomorrow? I honestly don't know.

I do not wanna take for granted thinking that bad things will not happen to my marriage. The marriage storm just hit a close friend & a close family member of mine right in front of my very eyes. They were 2 happy women & didn't see the storm coming towards them and now they're reckless , helpless & miserable. I do not wanna be like them. Why? Because they've been too depended financially on dear hubby all their lives. That's why I need the financial security. Yes , MP gave me enough monthly but I want my own money. Ni bukan soal tamak or nak bebas or anything of such.......I have to do this for myself. Like my dad always said,,,,,,,biar orang lain mati , jangan kita yang mati. Apa-apa jadi , suami boleh cari ganti.......ada jodoh , boleh kahwin lain tapi anak-anak?,,,,,,,I tak boleh cari ganti anak-anak I dengan apa-apa dalam dunia ni sekali pun. I love them very much.

Last Monday , I pergi register company dengan Kak Siti. We didn't know what to do at first but we managed to get through the whole process together. Alhamdulillah. Sebelum pergi register company , we had breakfast kat McDonald's The Mall..........we were figuring out names of company & etc.......and finally got 3 names shortlisted. Our first choice of name was being approved by SSM , it's VocalWealth Networks......hehehe!

Then we went to print out the student's attendance card........Lime Green.......

The next day,,,,,,,,sibuk bersihkan studio......nak kena buat paint work sikit. My brother will do the paint work with his friends next week.

Studio masih kosong lagi. Hari Xmas nanti baru nak angkat barang dari studio lama Kak Siti. Nak bawak piano & rak buku & etc......While we mothers were doing our work..........our kids , Yna & Afif *anak bongsu Kak Siti* dok menari tango laaa.....they were playing together. Afif ni banyak berlakon filem, drama & iklan. Kalau you all pernah tengok movie & teater Puteri Gunung Ledang,,,,,,si Afif ni laa yang jadi anak Sultan Melaka. He acted in the film Sumo as well......

A note for me : .........with all this,,,,,,,am open to any possibilities. May big A be with me,,,,,,always. I love you.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Going Italian Today

Saturday - 19th December 2009

Hari pergi KLCC sebab nak beli beg sekolah si Yna. Dia nak beg tarik Hannah Montana. Papa dia kata OK. Went to search for the bag at Toys'R'Us tak de , pergi Isetan pun tak last jumpa kat Parkson. So , bought her the school bag , sling bag & 2 botol air Hannah Montana almost RM200 with a 10% discount. *YES - Year End Sale*

Before we went out , me & Yna had a big piece of pepperoni pizza for breakfast. Bought it few days ago at KLCC jugak tapi simpan dalam fridge. So today I reheated it back for 1 minute on high in the microwave. Sedappppppp.

Kay KLCC , we ate at the food court. Yna nak Spaghetti Bolognaise and I opted for Spaghetti Aglio Olio. MP tak kuasa nak join kitaorang makan Italian...dia tetap anti klimaks.....he had Mee Kari instead....hehehe!

Ahhhhhh! My favourite season of the year........kalau lah Eidul Fitri semeriah ini di shopping-shopping kompleks , lampu-lampu & dekorasi yang mega extra cantik di jalanraya , pokok-pokok dan bangunan........balik-balik ketupat-bulan-bintang.......yang ado.......

Lepas shopping......we stopped for tea break. Me & Yna continued with our own Italian adventure....hehehe! We had ice lemon tea & Italian gelato........ahhhhh! Heaven! MP had milo & kuih seri muka......memang dia takkan join kita lah makan-makan ice cream ni........

Hmmmmm.......Adik Mok pun suka.......

A note for me......A busy week ahead!